Michael J. Totten: Comic Relief

April 12, 2004

Comic Relief

Not everything in Iraq is stressful and scary. Head on over to Marc Cooper's place for some laughs at Ayatollah Sistani's expense.

Posted by Michael J. Totten at April 12, 2004 12:51 PM

Comments

How's this for funny:

Ayatollah Khomeini:

"A man can have sexual pleasure from a child as young as a baby. However he should not penetrate, sodomising the child is OK. If the man penetrates and damages the child then he should be responsible for her subsistence all her life. This girl, however does not count as one of his four permanent wives. The man will not be eligible to marry the girls sister."

From Khomeini's book, "Tahrirolvasyleh", fourth volume, Darol Elm, Gom, Iran, 1990

full:

http://www.hraic.org/prophet_muhammad_and_pedophilia.html

Posted by: David at April 12, 2004 02:37 PM

Man. That's nasty.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at April 12, 2004 03:13 PM

Ashcroft should have a site like this...you know, so that he could better address the intricacies of that whole "NO KING BUT JESUS" theory of his.

Now that would be interesting.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 03:33 PM

In the meantime, until the good brother Ashcroft gets his site up and running, here's a link to the transcripted speech I'm referencing...

Ayatollah Ashcroft, Theocrat:
www.spectacle.org/0201/ashcroft.html

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 03:38 PM

Bush needs to ditch Ashcroft and replace him with Guiliani. Smart politically and smart when it comes to getting the job done.

Posted by: FH at April 12, 2004 03:48 PM

If wishes were fishes then beggars would eat.

Posted by: Hipocrite at April 12, 2004 03:56 PM

FH...

I love Giuliani: Liberal Republicans are great. He's a dirty rotten scoundrel of a guy, what with the mistress and all, but he'd make a hell of an Attorney General. It'll never happen, though. Ashcroft is Mr. Religious Right. Seeing as how Karl Rove's grand strategy for November is to turn out Ashcroft's kind of people, this would be a horribly unwise move.

Ashcroft's kind of people aren't going to vote for a guy who goes on Saturday Night Live in a dress. Goddamn that was funny, though.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 03:58 PM

As Christopher Hitchens put it, John Ashcroft would make a fine Secretary of Agriculture.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at April 12, 2004 03:58 PM

Giuliani does deserve it, though, doesn't he?

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 04:00 PM

Grant: Ashcroft's kind of people aren't going to vote for a guy who goes on Saturday Night Live in a dress.

He campaigned in drag in Manhatten. He said he was a Republican pretending to be a Democrat pretending to be a Republican.

(That's a play on a line from "Victor Victoria," a movie about a transvestite who is "a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man.")

What a guy. :)

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at April 12, 2004 04:01 PM

Grant: Giuliani does deserve it, though, doesn't he?

Heck yes.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at April 12, 2004 04:02 PM

I wish more politicians had Giuliani's sense of humor. And, yes, this is yet another reason we need a Centrist Party. Guys like Giuliani and Schwarzenegger and McCain would get 60-70% of the national popular vote if they could only win their party's nomination.

I think I realized something the other day. I identify with the Democratic Party because, in my State of Indiana, they're the moderates. And I identify more with the Democrats nationally because I grew up in the age of Clinton, the age of the moderate Dems.

As the national Democrats slowly revert to their old paleo-liberal ways, my party ID with them is becoming pretty weak. If I lived in New York or California, I might think of myself as more of a Republican. This thought is a little new to me, to say the least.

Everyone talks about a "polarized nation". I'm not buying it. The parties are polarizing, that much is for sure. But I don't think the Centrist voter is dead by a long shot.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 04:18 PM

In the meantime, until the good brother Ashcroft gets his site up and running, here's a link to the transcripted speech I'm referencing...

Grant,

I read Ashcroft's speech about Jesus. What part of it reminds you of Khomeni's teachings on buggering little girls? I'd like to hear your explanation before I right you off as a Leftist nutjob.

Posted by: David at April 12, 2004 04:30 PM

David,

Grant was referring to Sistani's site, not Khomeini's.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at April 12, 2004 04:33 PM

DAVID...

Please don't "write me off" for something I didn't say. I was merely suggesting that John Ashcroft organize a website, as well, that it would make for an interesting read. Try and have a sense of humor about this, man. I was halfway joking around and I never called Ashcroft a pedophile.

I did call him a theocrat, however, which he is. The speech clearly points this out ("we have no King but Jesus", "a culture that has...no standard but the eternal authority"). If denouncing "civil authority" for a religous King and religious authority isn't a call for theocracy then I don't know what is.

The Religious Right in this country doesn't speak of buggering little girls. I'll give them that much. I'd take Pat Robertson over Khomeini any day of the week. But it's not that much of a stretch to fundamentally lump the two together as they both reject religous freedom and liberal society.

And if you're gonna call me a "leftist nutjob" you're gonna call me a leftist nutjob. Nothing I can do to stop that. You should know better, though.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 04:48 PM

Since we're on the subject, gotta pass along this link...

www.rightwingeye.com

Funny as hell. I'm supporting the cause at the end, by the way. March 25 in DC.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 04:55 PM

Ugh...make that April 25. Sorry.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 04:59 PM

Grant,

I won't write you off yet. But as a former Leftist, I recognized your bringing Aschroft into this as the standard Lefty, as per formula, effort to draw cultural and moral equivalencies where there are none. Sometimes one can make a good case, at other times however the effort falls flat on its face. Your effort seemed rather fumbling and weak, but you backed off from it somewhat, and that encourages me. And I'm honestly relieved to hear that you'd choose Pat Robertson over Khomeini, albeit reluctantly. There's hope for this country yet.

Posted by: David at April 12, 2004 05:25 PM

Sigh...

Said I was just joking around, man. No formula. No moral or culture equivalencies. Just taking a whack at Ashcroft, that's all.

I went to the Sistani website and looked around at his religious Q&A section. Some of the stuff was pretty off the wall and, dare I say it, comical. I thought, "Gee, theocracy is a hoot! Maybe John Ashcroft oughta take a whack at his own Bob-Jones-style Q&A." Not really that complex, see. No grand agenda. No "efforts" of any kind. You give me too much credit.

And I'm not a leftist, by the way.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 05:58 PM

Wouldn't willingly CHOOSE Pat Robertson for much of anything. Don't know if I really made that clear.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 06:02 PM

As a former right-winger who has seen the light and joined the ranks of the left, I'm pissed at all the former left-wingers who are now right-wingers doing the same thing when we thought of it first, as right-wingers, probably at the same time you guys were left-wingers.

Posted by: Stu at April 12, 2004 07:01 PM

Stu,

Each side is right. Each side is wrong. Left and right are yin and yang.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at April 12, 2004 10:13 PM

Stu: I'm think you're probably right, whatever that means in this context. But then, I just got through watching that documentary about Jacques Derrida, which has an awful lot of "Who's on first?" style doubletalk -- though we do get to watch him buttering a bagel in real time (no edits). When my wife first visited America after growing up in the South of France, she had no idea what a bagel was. They don't have them in Marseille or Avignon.

And I've seen Grant here for a while now and he's no Leftist, he's simply a reasonable man.

Posted by: miklos rosza at April 12, 2004 11:15 PM

Thanks, Miklos. Really. I'm 22. At 22, it means alot.

Posted by: Grant McEntire at April 12, 2004 11:46 PM

"Well, believe you me, I've got nothing up my sleeve except a heart and a chip on my shoulder."

-The Black Crowes

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