February 03, 2004

Road Trip Advice

If you want to drive from Portland to Las Vegas on back roads through the hinterlands in January, don’t go thinking you can get there in one day. You can do it – on paper. But the icy roads in the high desert have agendas of their own.

If you’re going to get your jeep stuck in a ditch on the side of the road, don’t do it on the top of Blizzard Pass (elevation 7,000 feet) on the Oregon/Nevada border as a winter storm rolls in. Traffic, such as it is, consists of a car every three hours. The nearest sign of human civilization is a telephone pole fifty miles down the road. Punching 911 into the cell phone is as likely to get you rescued as jumping up and down and waving your arms at passenger jets. If a truck driver comes along in a semi and can pull your sorry vehicle out of the ditch with a tow chain, consider yourself one lucky bastard.

If you expect to get a decent hotel in Las Vegas without a reservation on Superbowl Sunday while an auto convention is in town, don’t be surprised when you end up “downtown” in a creepy motel with signs on the bathroom mirror saying you’ll be charged if you stain the sheets or the bath towels.

If you make a detour into Los Angles to visit a friend (in my case, Roger L. Simon) and you get driving directions to the house, don’t get cute and cut across town looking for “shortcuts” with your low-resolution gas station map. Follow directions!

If you’re driving from San Francisco to Portland in one shot, try really hard to leave the Bay Area before it gets dark. It’s traffic hell all the way to Sacramento.

Oh, and if you like deserts and you’re anywhere near Death Valley in January, go. And take a long walk through the sand dunes at sunset. It is glorious.

Posted by Michael J. Totten at February 3, 2004 04:26 PM

C'mon, now Michael. What kind of Oregonian would you be if you hadn't done all of these things? Some of my best trips involve doing irresponsible stuff with my dad and brothers in that neck of the woods.

My advice (learned from my father) for the California/Nevada/Arizona type road trips is to always drive at night and stop at the nearest casino at first light to fill up on the breakfast buffet and free booze at the blackjack table.

Got any photos you're gonna post?

Posted by: Nathan at February 3, 2004 05:19 PM

Nathan: C'mon, now Michael. What kind of Oregonian would you be if you hadn't done all of these things?

Oh, don't get me wrong, it was great fun.

My wife took a trip to New York while I went road tripping, and she had first dibs on the digital camera. My friend Sean, who went with me, brought his camera along. So we have pictures, but I hafta get them from him. Will post when I get 'em.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at February 3, 2004 05:30 PM

Now that sounds like a vacation! I felt guilty laughing at your misfortune, but I'll make sure to make reservations before going to Vegas.

Posted by: Jamie at February 3, 2004 05:40 PM

Well, Michael, I guess you're a pretty stalwart character. I can see lots of people having the same "adventure" and turning it into a WhineFest.
You, on the other hand, turn out some creditable prose and end on a high note. (No wonder you had to quit the Democrats!)

Posted by: Stephen at February 3, 2004 05:51 PM

Oh, don't get me wrong, it was great fun.

Indicative of the Oregonian character is my tale of getting stuck in the forests of Siberia one night. The family I was with (we missed the ferry...) was mortified--worried that I was hating the fact that we got our car stuck in a creek travelling along muddy roads trying to catch a ferry upstream.

Long story short, running out of food, eating wild blueberries, and having to smoke with a Yakut cop (Russian tradition...) while trying to make our way back to civilization was the best part of the whole trip...even if I did rip my favorite pair of pants.

Posted by: Nathan at February 3, 2004 07:31 PM

Wow! What fun! I've wended my way through some of that territory, and it is certainly gorgeous. I'm very jealous. Being on the Right Coast, I'm definitely missing West Coast travels.

Looking forward to the pictures.

Posted by: Gregory S. Hill at February 3, 2004 08:26 PM

Having done several of those things over my 57+ years at one time or another, I sympathize. Realizing you must have done them all in a single outing I have to snicker. You are really good at the blog stuff, your wisdom and insights are terrific, you political acumen is uncanny. Your inability to see simple problems under the conditions you highlighted.... Priceless.

With mirth, a solid chuckle and a deep heartfelt gratitude that I was down here in my warm south-Texas sunshine... God Bless....

Posted by: gmroper at February 3, 2004 08:50 PM

Sounds like you strayed way off course, dude. No plan is the best plan sometimes.

Posted by: d-rod at February 3, 2004 09:14 PM

Good job keeping up the good humor. Don't know if you saw, just before Barstow on the LV - LA freeway, a sign for Newberry Springs, where my mother lives.

The high desert's great; and even OK in the summer if you have your own pond (and avoid noon-sun). The stark, crystal clear landscapes, nearly barren. Beautiful. Thanks for evoking so many nice images, including your fun little crises -- always more fun AFTER you're home and have had a hot shower. And a beer? or Jack Daniels?

Posted by: Tom Grey at February 4, 2004 02:33 AM

So where's the problem? Finding out "where the road ends" is great fun. My Lovely Bride and I do it all the time. The key is to always keep your kit stocked and in the trunk.

Semper Fi

Posted by: RickM at February 4, 2004 04:16 AM

That was quite an odyssey. It once again proves that the best way to have a life filled with exciting stories is to do something really stupid every now and then.

Posted by: Brandon at February 4, 2004 07:52 AM

Sounds like more fun than you bargained for. :-)

Posted by: Jamie at February 4, 2004 07:57 AM

Doing essentially all of these things driving through remote East Africa adds, believe me, to the excitement.

Helps if you are young enough to believe yourself immortal (as the young always do).

Posted by: ZD at February 4, 2004 08:13 AM

Well, at least you survived the Las Vegas to Los Angeles trip without running into the speed trap outside of Barstow (the freeway improvement project). I got caught, and paid my fine, did my traffic school.

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