Michael J. Totten: Tilting At Blandsville

January 12, 2004

Tilting At Blandsville

When I was a teenager in sleepy Salem, Oregon my friends and I (who are still my friends today) stirred up trouble to break the ennui.

We rigged up complicated traps for cars in our residential neighborhood. They involving fishing line, beer cans, and a lawn sprinkler. (Don’t ask.) We dismantled street signs (I know, I know) and tore up the rival school’s football field with the parents’ Thunderbird.

I can’t do stuff like that anymore. Well, I can, but I’m married, have a professional job, and live in a house with a yard and two cats. So I try to act like an adult whenever that’s possible.

Sometimes I miss the days when I could get away with being a prankster. We were busted by cops for every above infraction and more, but not much ever happened to us. I wouldn’t go back, but still.

Christopher Hitchens likes to go back. In his own way.

Is Fun City turning into Blandsville? So says rumpled Vanity Fair scribe Christopher Hitchens, who laments the mayor's quality-of-life initiatives as the product of "the tiny Bloombergian mind."

Hitchens, a British-born gadfly and barfly who once penned a takedown biography of Mother Teresa, spent a recent afternoon trashing all sorts of city and state laws, an account of which appears in the issue available Wednesday.

Wearing a disheveled suit and shades, Hitchens squatted on a milk crate in the subway, rode a bike without his feet touching the pedals, fed Central Park pigeons and puffed his way across the city in wheezy protest of Mayor Michael Bloomberg's smoking ban.

For all this lawbreaking, he received nary a warning.

Bloomberg's staff shot back that most of the laws Hitchens ridiculed were passed before the mayor took office in 2002.

"This current Niagara of pettiness and random victimization may well be Bloomberg's attempt at a wannabe reputation as heroic crime-fighter and disciplinarian," writes Hitchens. "One of the world's most broad-minded and open cities is now in the hands of a picknose control freak.”

Some people will probably look at this and think Hitch is just getting attention. I think he does it because it’s fun.

UPDATE: Michele Catalano has more on the Bloombergian mind.

Posted by Michael J. Totten at January 12, 2004 07:25 PM

Comments

Yep. I'm not sure who has more fun, Hitch or P.J. O'Rourke.

Posted by: James Joyner at January 12, 2004 07:56 PM

J.J.

O'Rourke clearly has more laughs as he leads the republican party reptile wing, breaking his party's conventions whenever possible. I am sorry but it is really hard to think of Trotskyites as part animals, even the leader of their party animal wing. It seems the only similarity is a love of good vodka. For a clear ruling we may have to rely upon the vodkapundit.

But does (did) Hunter have more fun than the two combined?

matt king

Posted by: Matthew King at January 12, 2004 09:09 PM

Oh, Hitchens is a party animal. Check out his New Year's Eve piece.

Hunter probably does have the most fun, though.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at January 12, 2004 09:24 PM

Wow, this Hitch sounds pretty wild. Rding a bike without touching the pedals?? This guy is outta control!! Should you really be promoting such actions?

Posted by: the house of real estate at January 12, 2004 10:29 PM

House of Real Estate,

Well, it is against the law to ride a bike without touching the pedals in New York City.

I hear Hitchens also runs with scissors and swims after eating. :)

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at January 12, 2004 10:49 PM

As a cigar smoker, I've had to deal with this kind of persecution for years, even before the rise of the second hand smoke racket. Today, the killjoys feel greater satisfaction attacking a smoker than imprisoning a meth dealer.

Posted by: Patrick Lasswell at January 12, 2004 11:06 PM

Prankster fun depends on who you're with, and the group peer pressure to be "more fun". Or more cool.

Hating can be fun, too. The feel goodness of group hate is not much talked about, but clearly important. Insofar as Clinton hate supported an environment that now accepts Bush hate, the upsurge in feeling good about hate is a growing problem.

Hate the policy, not the people? Not so easy.

Posted by: Tom Grey at January 13, 2004 02:03 AM

Of course, maybe I'm just being a party pooper here.

Posted by: Tom Grey at January 13, 2004 02:05 AM

I think all those smoking, fun-loving, prankster New Yorkers should move to Melbourne, Australia. I for one would welcome them! Especially Hitch. Wouldn't I just love to introduce him to my anti-war friends...
A word of warning: most of us don't keep loaded guns under our car seats or in our glove-boxes, so the use of abusive gestures and language by Aussie drivers is, I believe, rated the worst in the world!

Posted by: suzanne at January 13, 2004 03:20 AM

Well, it appears Hitchens has finally found an activity worthy of his intellect and his talents. Evidently apologizing for Arafat has grown boring.

And please don't slander either P.J. O'Rourke or Hunter S. Thompson by mentioning Hitchens in the same breath.

Remember, when Chomsky was defending Pol Pot, Hitchens was defending Chomsky.

Posted by: DennisThePeasant at January 13, 2004 06:05 AM

Dennis, have you even read Hitchens' defense of Chomsky? It's not that unreasonable. It's a very well-presented case that the meme that Chomsky defended Pol Pot is a lot of rubbish. I'm no fan of Chomsky, but any insinuation that Hitchens ever had a warm fuzzy feeling for the Khmer Rouge is slanderous.

Posted by: Browning at January 13, 2004 07:16 AM

Browning-

I have read it. I have also read the relevant Chomsky and various pieces by a number of persons involved directly or indirectly with Chomsky's propaganda campaign in support of Pol Pot's regime. Google "Sophal Ear" and read his dissertation on the subject.

In the case of Hitchens and Chomsky (or Said, or Zinn, for that matter), it is a simple case of lying in the mud with hogs for 20 years. Why are you shocked when someone suggests that based on the evidence, Hitchens is a pig?

Posted by: DennisThePeasant at January 13, 2004 07:35 AM

Based on the evidence I've seen, Chomsky never defended Pol Pot per se. He questioned what he saw as exaggerations of the number of dead, and he did so in the context of an attempt to demonstrate that the Western media was willing to exaggerate the atrocities of Cambodia (because they were committed by communists) and downplay or ignore the atrocities in East Timor (because they were committed by American clients). We might debate whether this was a useful exercise for Chomsky, but in any case it is not even close to being the same thing as endorsing or defending Pol Pot. Therefore, it behooves honest critics of Chomsky not to characterize him as doing so. (There are plenty of other grounds on which to criticize Chomsky.)

What Hitchens did was this: He found it hard to believe that Chomsky had defended Pol Pot. As he said, "I have met [Chomsky] three times and found him sane," (the implication being that defending Pol Pot would be insane). So Hitchens looked into the accuracy of some of the accusations, and, with thorough research, demonstrated that they were at best entirely misleading, and at worst plainly false.

So, if you have read that defense, then you have no business trying to imply that Hitchens was ever any less disgusted by the atrocities of Pol Pot than the rest of us. If you can find a quote of Hitchens that proves me wrong, I'd be happy (and severely disappointed) to read it.

Posted by: Browning at January 13, 2004 08:42 AM

People change, Dennis.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at January 13, 2004 09:22 AM

The issue isn't whether Hitchens has changed. He has, and for the better, in my view. The issue is whether that change justifies giving him a pass on his pre-change career. In my view, it does not. There we disagree. So be it.

Posted by: DennisThePeasant at January 13, 2004 09:49 AM

suzanne,

As far as abusive, gesticulating, crazy, dangerous drivers, I think auzzies are pretty tame compared to the greeks.

Posted by: d-rod at January 13, 2004 10:52 AM

that could be true - I've seen Greeks lean out their car windows and spit at each other. They have good aim - (lots of practice?)

Posted by: mary at January 13, 2004 02:57 PM

Would the liberals who are questioning the need for these nanny laws please write to their senators & congressmen in support of tort reform? Not being a registered Democrat, I can do it, but it's questionable how much influence I'm going to wield with my local reps in DC, who are 2/3 Democrats.

Posted by: Daniel K. Day at January 13, 2004 03:46 PM

Daniel,

I don't quite see what tort reform has to do with laws against smoking in bars and feeding the pigeons.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at January 13, 2004 03:54 PM

Michael, The stated reason for laws against smoking in bars is to protect non-smokers, especially servers, against second-hand smoke; the real intention, in my opinion, is to harass smokers into giving up their nasty habit. This is part of the continuum of nanny-state regulations, whose intent has been expanded beyond their original, to protect people against their own laziness or stupidity, to new levels of prissiness, protecting people against bad luck. I don't know the rationale against feeding pigeons.

Posted by: Daniel K. Day at January 13, 2004 06:25 PM

I hate pigeons. Specifically the ones who roost outside my window. They coo all night and fight regularly. No respect for the sleeping people inside. Dirty disgusting spreading germs and disease but mainly waking me up. Bought a cat. Had to give her up. The pigeons got to her. She damn near gave herself a concussion thinking she could catch one. Someone suggested a fake owl, Bought two did nothing. Did I mention the pigeon crap yet? Disgusted I one day threw them my bits of toast. It was unusually quite that night. Not wanting to screw with a good thing I began feeding them at 6:30am sharp. It worked. I now live in harmony with the stupid pigeons outside my window. I have a problem with Hitch feeding them. Next thing you know my pigeons will be talking about a pigeon rights movement. Please don't let him buddy up to the pigeons.

Posted by: KMK at January 14, 2004 05:49 AM

Funny thing is, I never really had a wild moment. I'm 26 and lived a calm, peaceful, sexually repressed life, and I'm from New Orleans. Someone suggested that I was the only genuine rebel, because I didn't so much defy authroity as my own generation. At 16, my mother gave me a vest and I am now hooekd on three piece suits, only now I wear a bowtie with them.

At that same time I started wearing sock garters, thoug I don't now, but I may buy a pair after the Army. At that same age, I dressed up as Richard Nixon for a 70s dance, when everyone else went as a hippy or a disco dancer. I even danced disco with Nixon v-signs, but I had fun. I had more fun with a SNL brand of conservativism with a reactionary fashion sense than I ever would have being like the rest of the crowd.

Funny thing is, my girlfiredn is 22 and seen as wild, because she was vey shy, withdrawn, and introverted, esepcially since she is handciapped and was shunned in HS for it. Now she is more active, and seen as wild just because she is enjoying life, and she runs over poeple with her scooter :)

As for PJ O'Rourke and Cristopher Hitchens, I'd love to see them debate. O'Rourke also yakes no prisoners in his snipes, as he equally makes fun of Nixon, Carter, Reagan, Bush Sr., Clinton, and I bet the younger Bush is a fair target. He made a joke about an Enemies list with the worst rating being Shirley MacLaine, and he included Christopher Hitchens and Salman Rushdie in his list when he was discussing the concept back in one of his ealrier books. It eventually lead to a crack at Dan Quayle. I would love to hear about O'Rourke's thought about Mickey Mouse ears on Che Guerva, too :)

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