September 03, 2003

Kerry is Not Wholesome

Here is John Kerry drinking a beer.

Yay! He's human. Nice to see him with beer. I'd rather see him with a bottle than a can, but maybe I'm just a snob.

I expect to see politicians drinking milk or carrot juice or somesuch in a cynical attempt to go all Ward Cleaver on us. We don't need that.

Posted by Michael J. Totten at September 3, 2003 01:21 AM

Well, it's good to see him kickin' one back like one of the guys, but that wide-angle lens is atrocious.

Posted by: Matthew at September 3, 2003 02:56 AM

Er, the lens makes for an atrocious picture, I mean.

Posted by: Matthew at September 3, 2003 02:57 AM

Can't have glass bottles on an airplane so he's stuck with aluminum. Check out the article at ScrappleFace, it's hilarious.

Semper Fi

Posted by: RickM at September 3, 2003 03:51 AM

I think that the debates should involve beer. Lots and lots of beer:

1. Candidate dodges a question, or says some meaningless platitude without answering the question - 1 drink.
2. Candidate whines about 'negative campaigning' - 2 drinks.
3. Candidate mentions his family in a shameless attempt to tug at the heartstrings of the audience - drink.
4. Candidate refers to his opponent without mentioning his opponent's name - chug.
5. Candidate works in a meaningful reference to 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' - an opponent of his choice must drink.
6. Candidate makes a meaningless reference to 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' in a sad effort to force his opponent to drink - chug.
7. Candidate makes obscene hand gesture - 1 drink
8. Candidate curses - 1 drink.
9. Candidate curses in a foreign language - 2 drinks
10. Candidate curses in a foreign language while making an obscene hand gesture - chug.
11. Candidate curses in a foreign language while making an obscene hand gesture in the midst of a meaningful reference to 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' - all opponents must do a kegstand.

Addendum: The moderator may demand any one candidate drink at any time.

Posted by: George at September 3, 2003 06:25 AM

Um, don't want to open a can of worms here, but it's an Amstel Light, not sure if that really qualifies as "a beer". Back to the handlers John!

Posted by: Eric Deamer at September 3, 2003 07:21 AM

but it's an Amstel Light, not sure if that really qualifies as "a beer"

For mass-market, big-brewery, tap-water-and-polysyllablic-chemicals, love-in-a-canoe, crap-colored beer, it's not half bad.

Posted by: Moe Lane at September 3, 2003 07:38 AM

I swear. That man is a human bassethound. I'm terrified to think of where those jowels (sp?) will be in ten years.

Posted by: linden at September 3, 2003 08:19 AM

Would you rather see him kick it old school, with a 40 of OE in a brown paper bag?

Posted by: George at September 3, 2003 08:30 AM

I'd like to see him knock back 4 or 5 Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ales and see how his debating skills loosen up. Works good for me.

Posted by: Christopher Luebcke at September 3, 2003 08:43 AM


Absolutely. Colt 45 would do just fine as well.

But we all know that this is just political posturing. Kerry is still a northeastern elitist. In his heart of hearts, he's a Sam Adams drinker. Even if he were to pick up a can of Coors or Milwaukee's Best, we won't be fooled.

Posted by: Joe Schmoe at September 3, 2003 09:43 AM

And by the way, I think he served in Vietnam too. But will he take a stand on whether Iran's mullahs have been concealing some kind of enriched-uranium program and what we should do about it?

Posted by: Dave at September 3, 2003 10:00 AM

When I knock back 4 or 5 I'm a better orator. I'm also more handsome, thinner and funnier. Oh that's right, that's only true if OTHER people knock back 4 or 5!

And hey, lay off the Sammy's!

Semper Fi

Posted by: RickM at September 3, 2003 11:04 AM

Look at his face! He's had way more than one!

Posted by: commander at September 3, 2003 12:40 PM

Hey Joe - where you goin' with that gun in your hand...

Oops, sorry, let me try again.

Hey Joe - now that I think about it, you're right. I would be more likely to vote for Kerry if I spotted him with a 40 of OE.

I'm with Rick on the Sammy's, though - that is some good stuff. I rather like the Summer Ale.

Anybody ever had Iron City?

Posted by: George at September 3, 2003 12:41 PM

Then again, I am Yankee yuppie scum.

Posted by: George at September 3, 2003 12:43 PM

I'm from the 'burgh and I can't stand Iron City. For local beer Penn Brewery does a much better job. Penn Dark is the beverage of choice, but Penn Pilsner will do in a pinch. But then again I'd go for a Chimay over almost anything made here anyday. So, I may not be the best person to ask.

Posted by: Rick Meyer at September 3, 2003 01:11 PM

Does Iron City still come in those plastic bottles? Or am I thinking of another beer?

Posted by: George at September 3, 2003 01:59 PM

what ? fine wine was available?....would've paid to see him hold his nose and drink "flyover country" Beer.

Posted by: masonn at September 3, 2003 07:19 PM

Surprised no one mentioned this one yet: Joe Lieberman, the day before Kerry, pint in hand watching baseball:

I don't believe Joe's got a snowball's chance in hell, but at least he looks like he's enjoying his beer. And he's drinking one with some decent color and body by the look of it... (yes, I'm a bit of a foody)

Posted by: Joe Maller at September 3, 2003 08:55 PM

Lieberman's beer

(I can't keep track of which sites have auto-hrefs and which don't)

Posted by: Joe Maller at September 3, 2003 08:57 PM

Joe's hyperlink to Lieberman's beer doesn't work. Try this one.

Posted by: Michael J. Totten at September 3, 2003 10:07 PM

What beer does Joe Lieberman drink?


Hebrew Brand beer actually exists. I'd really like to have some.

Posted by: sym at September 4, 2003 12:27 AM

Sym - more importantly, He-Brew is available in a 40! Man, I could really go for one right now.

Posted by: George at September 4, 2003 08:48 AM

I'd like to point out that Kerry is not drinking real beer. He's drinking Amstel Light, the beer of choice for politicians everywhere.

Amstel Light is to beer as "Don't ask, don't tell" is to gays in the military - a wishy-washy alternative to the real thing. The man I vote for will like it piss-warm with a twenty percent alcohol content. I've had enough of Amstel Light Politicians. This year I'm registering for the beer-party party and voting for whoever promises to seize our nation by the balls and yank some life into us. The pathway to happiness is found through excess. Go to hell, Kerry!

Posted by: Carl Jung at September 4, 2003 09:11 AM

I believe the proper nomenclature for Amstel Light is "horse piss." I had my first encounter with same in a bar near PSU in MJT's hometown. Bad, bad. No wonder it was $1.50/bottle.

I haven't been the same since they stopped making Blitz-Weinhard. I would even vote for Howard dean if he could choke down a six-pack of Blitz.

Posted by: Oregon Dan at September 6, 2003 11:46 AM

And of course, Kerry is drinking a European beer.

Posted by: Robert at September 14, 2003 10:44 AM


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