Slamming the slant of these "polls" has been a long time livejournal hobby of mine.

"If it weren't for your weird affection for ice hockey, you'd be the perfect person." As they say in the seminary, "Bitch, please!" These things have the proven impartiality of French intellectual. A series of transparent questions leading the observer to align themselves with the polling person's preconceptions is not my favorite form if insight.

Under what circumstances would a "What Country Are You" quiz be anything else? It's not claiming to be the Scientology personality profile--hell, it's even easier than drawing Tippy.

Anyway, I'm Brazil, Lord help me:

You're Brazil! You're athletic, charming, and probably a good dancer. Unfortunatley, you don't really mind chopping down the rain forest, and you probably consider homeless people expendable in certain circumstances. Of course, your personality is so diverse that it's hard to track down exactly what you're like. You definitely like Pele, the World Cup, and shouting "gooooal" at the top of your lungs.

All true. Except for the good dancer part. Oh, and the bit about rainforests and homeless people, not quite so much.

Gooooooaaaaaaaaaallllllllllll!

You're Texas!

You aren't really much of your own person, but everyone around you wishes you'd go away, so you might as well be independent. You're sort of loud-mouthed and abrasive, but you do have a fair amount of power. You like big trucks, big cattle, and big oil rigs. And sometimes you really smell. But it's not all bad, you're big enough to have some soft spots somewhere in all that redneck madness.

This is funny, because I live in Texas. Texas, however, is not a country. It may think it is a country, but it isn't.

Also, I'm not loud-mouthed and abrasive.l

I'm frickin' Liechtenstein! Man, why'd I do this?

Hey! How do I get to be Texas! But ooh, I do like being Singapore:

You're small but well-built and people are a little afraid of you. You might even walk with a cane that people find somewhat menacing, rather than seeing it as an aid to your mobility. You like an urban lifestyle, with little time for nature or the more rural pleasures of life. This fast-paced lifestyle suits you, and you wish everyone around you would just shape up.

Very cute. NOW HEY! FEAR ME, PEOPLE! I'VE GOT A CANE OVER HERE! SHAPE UP!

Patrick,

Of course these things have no real insight. They are supposed to be fun. And they are fun! Try to make the quiz say you're Afghanistan or North Korea...

Well, it took me several tries, but I finally got it to say I was Brazil. The dead giveaway was when it asked me if I like soccer.

Sweden. Sweeeeden.

The lone difference between Russia and the USSR:
Do you vote Y/N?

I'm Brazil?? Oh well...

You're the United Nations!
Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long way to go. You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of beating each other about the head and torso. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result. But your heart is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.

I'm Chile, and Chile ain't cool, baby.

I went to Chile last December. It is a wonderful place, truly. Be glad to be Chile!

I tried to get the United Nations, and I got Vietnam.

Eats your hearts out! I'm Fiji!

Semper Fi

FWIW, I'm South Africa.

You're South Africa!
After almost endless suffering, you've finally freed yourself from the oppression that somehow held you back. Now your diamond in the rough is shining through, and the world can accept you for who you really are. You were trying to show who you were to the world, but they weren't interested in helping you become that until it was almost too late. Suddenly you're a very hopeful person, even if you still have some troubles.

Fun stuff! I got Sweden first. Then I changed one answer near the beginning on climate and became Texas. And finally I became South Africa. Since I am Canadian, this probably makes a lot of sense. But I couldn't make it say "I am Canada". Oh well.

I just found out that if I were to take up skiing, then I would be the USA!!! Seven Springs here I come! (Western PA reference.)

Here's the description for the US. It reveals the personality of the test.

You were probably a big bully in school, and odds are that you're still a big bully. You make promises that you break, you manipulate everyone around you, and you're awfully materialistic. On the other hand, you're pretty inventive and have a really good sense of justice. You just never get around to applying the idea of justice to yourself. Incredible potential remains yours to take advantage of.

Poor guy. Probably scared of his own shadow. Maybe he believes broccoli screams when you boil it and lettuce screams when you cut it. Who knows. I'm glad I cause him fear.

I'm Swaziland (?) Oh well, I guess its kinda cool being the lone Swazilander. And besides, its better than being France.

I'm Texas even though I just put the peddle to the metal every time I drive through.

Still, I do stop at the Big Texan Steak House and have a go at their 72 pound steak so I guess I'm sorta Texas.

I'll be real Texas when I actually make it through one. I'm currently 0 for 2.

Jeez. Get a load of the description of Israel.

You're Israel!
Though a victim in the past, you've learned very little from this and have encouraged a cycle of violence in your life and the life of many you know. You're a little paranoid and somewhat schizophrenic, causing you to promote both hatred and hope in cycling intervals. Some of the paranoia is justified, as a lot of people don't like you, but more people are helping you than you'd ever really admit to. At this point, you live on some valuable property and would benefit greatly from just giving peace a chance.

Yeah, thats not the least bit biased.

Michael -

I got North Korea on the first try, baby!

Look out!

This should be the definition for Germany:

"You were probably a bully growing up, until somebody knocked you down to size, and you have never gotten over it. You lay awake at nights conjuring up fantasies in which YOU were the oppressed and not the oppressor. Now that you’re all grown up, you no longer mercilessly torment the skinny isolated kid down the block. Instead, you pay ANOTHER skinny kid down the block and let HIM beat up your former tormentee. Even though you make good money you still live at home, but call your parents “fascists” at every opportunity. In your loneliness you have fallen for the charms of a high-class hooker (see definition of “France”, below).

Just wait till you see the one for the West bank.

I did the quiz once and said I liked a tropical climate. So I was Israel. I did it again and picked a cool climate, and I was Canada. And I grew up in Israel and now live in Canada. That is one smart quiz.